He was a  scrawny kid in his early 20's buying 1% milk and a frozen dinner.

At the point of payment, he swiped his card - nothing.
He tried another card.
Then another.

When the third card failed, the woman behind him - who'd been patiently watching the situation unfold - stepped forward, debit card in hand.

 "Allow me," she said, swiftly swiping her card and paying his bill.

"I have the money," he protested weakly.

"I've got it," she said.

"Are you sure?" he responded.

"Yeah, just pay it forward someday, okay" she said.

"Okay," he said. He thanked her, and mentioned something about an upcoming baby shower.

Then he was gone. Embarrassed, perhaps, that he needed help at all. Maybe relieved that a stranger was so willing to help.

What happened before me today at the local grocery store was transformative. As it occurred, I wondered how I could have been so selfish and self-centered these last several weeks. I felt a sense of release - like anything was possible when given the right circumstances. That good people abound.

I cried all the way home.

Photo 2 - Monday, April 9, 2012

Riverfront walkway  between Hartford & East Hartford
CT River in rear - Monday, April 9, 2012

Photo 1 - Easter Sunday - April 8, 2012

Sleeping Giant at sunset - Easter Sunday 2012

Weddings and other celebrations

Social media in general, and Facebook in particular, have provided me with some pleasant surprises. Take the photo to the right, for example. It was taken at a wedding 34 years ago today, on Dec. 31, 1977. My mom is on the left, my dad is second from the right. The groom, Ron, is on the right, and the best man, Allen, is second from the left between my mom and dad. Ron, Allen and mom, along with about 6 other people, worked together at a school that was part of a state prison.

Yep, my suburban-white-housewife-mom worked in a prison. Best professional experience of her life, but that's for another post.

On Facebook last summer, there was a wave of new pages centering on people's memories of their hometowns. I joined one for the town where I grew up, and got lots of questions like "Are you Bill's sister," or "Didn't you used to be on the radio?" (Answer to both: yes). One woman named Jean caught me off guard by asking, "Are you Barbara's daughter?" Turns out, Jean graduated from high school with one of my brothers - and is Ron's wife. We became FB friends.

Tonight, Jean posted this picture of my parents at her wedding. I'd never seen it before and when I did, I nearly cried.  Mom's younger there than I am today, but it was my dad's expression, in particular, that caught me off guard. It's as though he's looking straight at me from 1977 as I sit here on the cusp of 2012, the camera somehow acting as a communication conduit transcending time and space, and he's trying to tell me something. But what? He looks truly happy and content. I know for a fact that wasn't his regular state of mind at the dawn of 1978, so I like to think that's how he is feeling today, wherever his spirit now makes its home.

Here's the kicker: I saw my reflection in my father's face. I've spent my life being told how much I look like my dad, but I never saw it - until tonight.

I'm still trying to take it in, but Jean is an angel for posting the photo. I greatly appreciate it. And to my dad I wish a Happy New Year in heaven - or wherever. Whatever you're trying to tell me, I'll figure it out eventually!

The Book of Mormon shout out video - Dec. 28, 2011

Josh Gad was gracious enough to do a shout-out to my son, Nate, who is a HUGE fan of the Book of Mormon and anything else related to South Park. 

2011: Great year to be alive!

2012 starts tomorrow. Lots of folks are saying 2011 was terrible, but I, personally, had a great year. 

Highlights: hired by Capital Community College, Division of Continuing Education. Hired by The Conference of Churches as the Cause Communications manager, which got me back into radio (Lite 100.5 WRCH) after 12 years away! Started DigitalAmber.net. Saw two tapings of The Colbert Report and one taping each of The Daily Show and MAURY. Visited the 9/11 Memorial in NYC. Saw The Book of Mormon on Broadway. Worked with Savannah Faith to paint almost all of our home's main level, got her through high school graduation and off to Gateway Community College, New Haven. 

Shenandoah was on UCONN's Dean's list (twice) AND accepted to study abroad at the University of Amsterdam. Nate made his Confirmation and earned high honors in the first quarter of his sophomore year in high school. Spent more time with my mom. Visited my nephew Joe in New Hampshire. Renewed friendships via FB. Started a personal blog (www.vocalscore.blogspot.com). 

Thank you Governor Malloy, or Roy Occhiogrosso or whoever for not reappointing me to my former post at CT DPH. Turns out that 2011 was a year of blessings beyond measure that never would have played out as it did had I stayed there. 

For me, I hope my luck continues into 2012. For each of you it is my sincere hope and wish that your dreams for the coming year will come to pass. 

Happy New Year

South Park Inn podcast 12/18/2011

South Park Inn podcast from 12/18/2011

From the department of "duh"

Do dads EVER multitask? 

Marriage is a funny thing...

Staying together for the sake of the kids. 

The background to the conversation

I've known "D" in passing for years. I attended her Pampered Chef parties and even bought a few things. I was close to her brother-in-law and his family when they lived next door to us. I've never, to the best of my knowledge, done anything to offend her.

Unfortunately, the burbs are the place where, if you do offend someone, there is going to be lots of talk about it - just not to you. The 'burbs are the capital of passive-agressive behavior.

I suppose that explains D.'s utter silence at my direct but firm question.

As it happens, "D" works with my husband's brother's wife, Ann. Ann and I have certainly had our differences. The main one being that she subscribes wholeheartedly to the "Stepford Wives" (let's not think "outside the box," much as I hate that term) way of life. I do not.  So I would not be surprised to learn that D.'s negative impression of my daughter has more to do with what Ann has gossiped to her than anything D. heard from her own son.

So for D. to say to her son (and her son to Savvy and Savvy to me) that Savvy is on the "wrong path" is inaccurate on its face.

I would venture to guess that the following people were also told that they were on the wrong path: Steve Jobs. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks. Galileo. Jesus. Mohammad. Albert Einstein. George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Barack Obama. Vincent Van Gogh. Steven Spielberg. The list is endless.

Now, I know Savvy isn't on their level - yet, but she has the potential for greatness BECAUSE she has been encouraged to make her own way, think her own thoughts and create her own path. These concepts are foreign - and therefore threatening - to life in the 'burbs.

Savvy is intelligent and headstrong and beautiful. She's sensitive and loves animals. She's always supporting the underdog - the poor, the homeless, the jobless, the elderly, injured, sick and abused people and animals. She has several piercings and plans on a tattoo. She loves horror movies and volunteers countless hours at a local haunted house that raises money for local charities.

She is not in jail. She doesn't steal or smoke crack or pot. She has never crashed a car. She takes responsibility for her chores and her schoolwork. She draws beautiful portraits, movies and photographs.

If that's the "wrong path," we're all in trouble.

The conversation (background to follow)

Scene:  Big Lots, Sunday afternoon around 4:15 PM

I spotted D. and her teenage daughter shopping in the cleaning products aisle. D.'s son is a friend of my daughter, Savvy.

I passed D. once. Our eyes met. She said nothing. I said nothing. I wanted to ask her something, but probably should have kept my mouth shut. I circled around, my heart beating, my thoughts racing. I looked at her, looked away, and then looked back again to start the conversation:

ME: You're D., right?

D.: Uh, yeah. Hi.

Me: Do you know who I am?

D.: Yeah, you used to live next door to G. (her brother-in-law).

Me: Yeah. I hear that you think that my daughter, Savvy, is going down the wrong path.

D.: (Jaw drops, stunned silence for about 3 seconds) I never said that.

Me: Well, that's what Savvy was told by your son.

D.: Well, I never said that (stammering)

Me.: Savvy has her faults, but lying isn't one of them. Or maybe you heard that from my sister-in-law??

D.: Well, we work together.

Me.: I know. Let's just hope I don't hear anything like that again. (Me, making a dramatic turn back to my shopping).

<heart pounding, sweating profusely, can't wait to get out of there>

Social media basics

According to J. Richard Byrd: Social media is about relationships. It's about knowing who you are and knowing who you want to reach. Exactly. Who have you been called to reach? Who are you? What do you do? Why should we care? What's in it for me?

Should be on the front page of your website. Your website is the basis of all your social media outreach.

Facebook is for people that you know. Twitter is for people you want to know. You need to drive everyone back to your website.

Can closure happen?

An open letter to the family of Officer Mark MacPhail family:

I am very sorry for your loss. From what I have read Officer MacPhail was an accomplished Army veteran and an experienced police officer with much to offer to his family, friends, colleagues and community.

I have never lost a family member violently like you. But Bill Petit has. He lost his wife and two daughters to a 2007 Connecticut home invasion. He describes his loss as having left behind "a hole with jagged edges, and over time, the edges may smooth out a little bit, but the hole in your heart, the hole in your soul, is still there, so there is never closure."

Closure. Is that what you were looking for in executing Troy Davis? We already know that the death penalty does not deter crime, but in the past few years, it seems as though capital punishment is being touted as the means by which victims' families find closure. Is that how you feel now that Troy Davis is gone?

Marietta Jaeger Lane has a little different spin and she speaks from experience. Her 7-year-old daughter was murdered and she is quoted as saying, “Our loved ones deserve more beautiful, noble and honorable memorials than premeditated state-sanctioned killings.”

I tend to believe that she is right.

RIP Troy Davis

They know not what they do. 

And the great but not quite as great pumpkin that my husband grew

This one weighed in at 650.5 lbs. Not bad for his first time, I guess. He's hoping it lands him in the top 20 at the Durham (CT) Fair this weekend.

The Great Pumpkin lives at the Durham Fair

A new CT state record, weighing in
at a whopping 1,487.5 lbs.
(PHOTO: digitalamber.net)

Size matters: Grower Ken Desrosiers
of Broad Brook at the weigh-in
tonight in Durham, CT
(PHOTO: digitalamber.net)

Never in my wildest weirdest dreams did I ever see myself attending a giant pumpkin weigh-in. Yet there I was on the grounds of the Durham Fair, watching pumpkins and their people. These folks are intense!

Rejection emails and other forms of humiliation

I take rejection way too personally. My stomach clenches. My back tenses. My cheeks flush. My jaw tightens. 


People have spent a lifetime (mine) telling me not to take it personally. If only it was that easy. I can't even pinpoint exactly why these physical sensations take over at the most inopportune times, but they do. 


That said, here is my latest rejection email. This was for an organization with which I had a 20-minute phone interview yesterday: 

Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with <communications consultant> and me yesterday about your prior experiences and interest in (our organization).  After a thorough review of your past experiences and preparation and a reflection on our phone call, we have decided to zone in on applicants that better suit our needs.

We thank you for thinking of us and hope that our paths will cross again. Best wishes in your future endeavors.

This was a tough one, as it indicates to me that my phone interview could have gone better. So, tell me - are you looking for someone who knows Connecticut media? I'm your person, despite hemming and hawing my way through the answer to that question. Honestly, if you gave me a chance, I'd be able to meet your needs better than any candidate on your list. 


Here's another one from an institution of higher learning:

We wanted to let you know that the search process for this position recently concluded.  We were very fortunate to find an applicant who comes with the exact experience for which we were optimally looking.

Why does it seem as though a few sentences are missing from this email?  Like "and that applicant isn't you! HAHAHAHA!!!"


Dang, I hate rejection. 

Death is so...final.

A man who could very well be innocent of murder is just hours being put to death by the State of Georgia.

Troy Davis is accused of killing a Savannah police officer in 1989. Unanswered questions surround the case, raising doubts about Mr. Davis's guilt.

Much of the case rests on the eye witness testimony of nine witnesses, seven of whom have recanted their original testimony. Yet tonight the Georgia Board of Pardons refuses to stay Mr. Davis's execution. 

For a moment set aside the usual anti-death penalty arguments: the fact that murder is barbaric, that the United States is just one of two Western countries (along with Belarus) that continue using capital punishment, that the death penalty is disproportionately kills African American and Latino men (which, under any other circumstance, would be considered a public health issue).

The fact remains that the circumstances surrounding this particular case leave way too much doubt in the minds of most thinking people to proceed with his execution.

The NY Times makes the argument eloquently.

Have we become just a mob?

Joshua Komisarjevsky

Today begins the trial for Joshua Komisarjevsky, the second defendant in the murders of Jennifer Hawke-Petit and her daughters, Haley and Michaela, of Cheshire, Connecticut.

Another man, co-defendant Steven Hayes, sits on Connecticut's death row for his role in the crimes committed against this family over a six-hour period in July 2007.

And a mob mentality seems to have taken hold of the public.

People are angry, and rightfully so. What occurred that warm, rainy summer's night reminds each of us that we remain vulnerable to stranger violence even while tucked snug in our beds in our homes. Though the chances of such an attack actually happening to any one household are quite remote in this country, what happened to the Petits hit way too close for many, both emotionally and geographically. Some would rather get this nightmare over with by dispensing with due process and invoking mob justice.

The complex emotional reaction of the public at large can seemingly be summed up by a New Testament paraphrase: crucify them.  Some have even suggested in print (usually in post-news article rants) that a trial is not required and they these men deserve to be taken out and ________________ (insert preferred violent method of killing here). They are deadly serious, their judgement clouded chiefly by anger and a sense of "there but by the grace of God go I."

Have we forgotten that the United States is a nation of laws and processes? Simply put, due process is about fairness. It's about preventing the wrongful conviction of the innocent. It's about the scales of justice being blind and balanced and rendering judgement only after all of the evidence is presented before a jury of our peers.

Our forefathers were so passionate about due process that they put it into the Constitution in Amendments 5 AND 14. It is strongly support by case law. In the U. S., we don't throw 200-plus years of case law just to satisfy the human need for revenge. Leave that to the world's dictators.

It is a process designed to protect the innocent from being wrongly accused and convicted.  Defending Joshua Komisarjevsky will not be an easy task. He and Hayes rank high among the most despised men in Connecticut history.

L to R: Jeremiah Donovan, Todd A. Bussert and
Walter C. Bansley, III. (PHOTO CREDIT: Bettina
Hansen, Hartford Courant)

Therefore, I must express my admiration for his defense team of Jeremiah Donovan, Todd A. Bussert and Walter C. Bansley, III. Despite overwhelming odds and vehement public sentiment against this defendant, they have taken on the monumental (and likely futile) task of giving him the best possible defense. I don't always agree with their legal tactics, but they are to be praised for endangering both their practices and their lives in the name of a bigger ideal: a fair and accessible justice system.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

My son fancies himself a younger version of the obsessively compulsive clean and orderly, afraid of change, title character from the TV show Monk, played by actor Tony Shalhoub.  Nate wears essentially the same outfit every day: a black (sometime grey, but only if all the black ones are in the wash) t-shirt, jeans, sneakers and, if required by the weather, an unbuttoned flannel or wool shirt.

Having started painting the main rooms in our home last spring, he has been quite vocal about the change in color. It's been the same since before he his birth nearly 16 years ago and Nate likes structure and order. So what if the walls had food stains,  pencil and crayon markings, dirt, peeling paint and wallpaper. With two rooms complete, he still makes his displeasure known.

Today's minor home project is to install a new toilet seat in our full bathroom upstairs. Nate spotted me, and when informed of my intentions stated:

"Mom, you're heartless."

He immediately went into that bathroom just ahead of me to take a shower. And, presumably, say good bye to the old toilet seat.

And no, son, you cannot have the old one after I install the new one.

<sigh>