From the department of "duh"

Do dads EVER multitask? 

Marriage is a funny thing...

Staying together for the sake of the kids. 

The background to the conversation

I've known "D" in passing for years. I attended her Pampered Chef parties and even bought a few things. I was close to her brother-in-law and his family when they lived next door to us. I've never, to the best of my knowledge, done anything to offend her.

Unfortunately, the burbs are the place where, if you do offend someone, there is going to be lots of talk about it - just not to you. The 'burbs are the capital of passive-agressive behavior.

I suppose that explains D.'s utter silence at my direct but firm question.

As it happens, "D" works with my husband's brother's wife, Ann. Ann and I have certainly had our differences. The main one being that she subscribes wholeheartedly to the "Stepford Wives" (let's not think "outside the box," much as I hate that term) way of life. I do not.  So I would not be surprised to learn that D.'s negative impression of my daughter has more to do with what Ann has gossiped to her than anything D. heard from her own son.

So for D. to say to her son (and her son to Savvy and Savvy to me) that Savvy is on the "wrong path" is inaccurate on its face.

I would venture to guess that the following people were also told that they were on the wrong path: Steve Jobs. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks. Galileo. Jesus. Mohammad. Albert Einstein. George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Barack Obama. Vincent Van Gogh. Steven Spielberg. The list is endless.

Now, I know Savvy isn't on their level - yet, but she has the potential for greatness BECAUSE she has been encouraged to make her own way, think her own thoughts and create her own path. These concepts are foreign - and therefore threatening - to life in the 'burbs.

Savvy is intelligent and headstrong and beautiful. She's sensitive and loves animals. She's always supporting the underdog - the poor, the homeless, the jobless, the elderly, injured, sick and abused people and animals. She has several piercings and plans on a tattoo. She loves horror movies and volunteers countless hours at a local haunted house that raises money for local charities.

She is not in jail. She doesn't steal or smoke crack or pot. She has never crashed a car. She takes responsibility for her chores and her schoolwork. She draws beautiful portraits, movies and photographs.

If that's the "wrong path," we're all in trouble.

The conversation (background to follow)

Scene:  Big Lots, Sunday afternoon around 4:15 PM

I spotted D. and her teenage daughter shopping in the cleaning products aisle. D.'s son is a friend of my daughter, Savvy.

I passed D. once. Our eyes met. She said nothing. I said nothing. I wanted to ask her something, but probably should have kept my mouth shut. I circled around, my heart beating, my thoughts racing. I looked at her, looked away, and then looked back again to start the conversation:

ME: You're D., right?

D.: Uh, yeah. Hi.

Me: Do you know who I am?

D.: Yeah, you used to live next door to G. (her brother-in-law).

Me: Yeah. I hear that you think that my daughter, Savvy, is going down the wrong path.

D.: (Jaw drops, stunned silence for about 3 seconds) I never said that.

Me: Well, that's what Savvy was told by your son.

D.: Well, I never said that (stammering)

Me.: Savvy has her faults, but lying isn't one of them. Or maybe you heard that from my sister-in-law??

D.: Well, we work together.

Me.: I know. Let's just hope I don't hear anything like that again. (Me, making a dramatic turn back to my shopping).

<heart pounding, sweating profusely, can't wait to get out of there>